Ironically, the pizza he chose was called the ‘Spanish Lovers’. Puh-leez.

To combat the necessary early rise for the morning boat, while still having a whale of a time of an evening, we’ve discovered a few places that put on dinner and a show. Funny story – a man friend took me to El Toro to see the Hobbit. While I was perusing the Mexican side of the menu, deciding between a chicken chimichanga or sizzling fajitas, he insisted we share one measly pizza and huffed and puffed at the suggestion of a side. Eventually, he yielded to the addition of spring rolls. Not the most promising of starts, to say the least.

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When it came to settling the monstrous bill of 280 baht (just over five pounds), he looked at me incredulously, saying, “Well I GUESS we’ll pay together…” to which I replied, “Why, do you want to split the bill?”

Expecting an effusive refusal of my polite offer, he instead wagered, “No, but only if YOU buy the drinks at Simple Life.” Needless to say I wanted nothing more than to shoot off like a rocket there and then, putting the evening firmly behind me and never meeting a man for food again if he looks like he enjoys living off the land. In reality, I moped back to Simple Life feeling very hard done by with my own personal Scrooge in tow, naively thinking that after treating him to a beer we could call it a night.

Ordering myself a Malibu and pineapple, asking if he would prefer a Chang, Singha or Tiger (bearing in mind all he’d ever drank around me were cheap Changs from the 7/11, what was I thinking?!) he reached over the bar for a menu and muttered, “Actually, I think I’m going to go for a cocktail…”

Infuriating rage ran through my entire being, and in hindsight, my response should have been along the lines of, “Do one, you cheap b***d!” Instead, I swallowed my pride and forked out the 250 baht for the most disrespectful date ever known to man. Positively glaring at him as he sipped on his mojito, Abi and Gill gallantly helped me hatch my escape plan. We pretended that we were in dire need of a ‘girls night’, despite the fact that Simple Life was chock full of boys who were playing drinking games with us the whole time. Visibly perplexed, he toddled off home and we were free to despair in the utter hilarity of the situation. Looking back, it was rather an amusing and eye opening experience, with many a lesson learnt (namely, don’t date a Canadian hippy with a strangely woven hat).

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